were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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