No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize