Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the condom got lost in my hair
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
