If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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