there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize