is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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