Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
