Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm getting married
To pizza
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
