Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm both gender and math confused
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
