God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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