Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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