That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
