We're like a lot better than the average bears
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
