my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
