when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So much rum. So many feels.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
