If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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