Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
