haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
