i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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