just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
