Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
