official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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