Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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