So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
