its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
