i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
