I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
