The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize