Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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