Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
