I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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