Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
