the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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