see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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