Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
