the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
