Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize