you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
