nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
