Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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