Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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