During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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