there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
