And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
