brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize