I look better un-naked...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i will never coherently bang her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
