He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
