I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just had sex bonerless
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
