I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
