How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
