at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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