is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
