I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
