I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
