why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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