It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize