don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
