oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
