Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
