So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I stole a fireplace last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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