First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
