come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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