Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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