tell your sister to shave her snatch
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
