The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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