No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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