I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
