Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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