The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
