put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Your penis caused this!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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