It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
