I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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