i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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