he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
