that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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