lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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