Plan B is the new Plan A
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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