She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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