2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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