:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
