don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
