At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
