Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize