Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was like giving head to a cactus.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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