Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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