I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
