You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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