3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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