can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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