Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
