I just pynch a tree in the face
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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