I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
