I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
