i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This baby is an asshole
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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