Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
