Don't you send me to vm
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
