UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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