i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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