So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you had me at cake vodka
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
