I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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