he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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