Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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