look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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