In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
