I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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