I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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