I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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