I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
