Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize