I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
