I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
