Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
